Day of results

Good Afternoon, Everyone! Today I finally received the answers of the MRI.  I had to wait due to the snowmageddon that we had a few weeks ago. Thanks for hanging in there with me waiting on the results.

The day started off as usual with my husband and I doing our morning dance around the bed, down the hallway, and down the stairs. It was a tough start; my legs finally got into the groove of doing things on their own by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs. I got myself ready for the doctor appointment, then we were off.

The doctor said that I will be doing aqua therapy, walking therapy for six weeks. He did, however, mention about surgical procedures with pins and rods. Not the type things you want to hear all in one sentence. The doctor went on then discussed what he saw with my hips in the MRI when they did my back. "Invisible Woman", need I say more??? Does that tell you how bad?? He said, "Arthur Ritis" (arthritis) is heavily throughout my back and hips they are very badly deteriorated. He talked about injections as well as pain medications.  The one that I currently am on (Gabapentin)can go as high as 3700 mg daily. My doctor upped my medication from 300mg to 400mg. He said essentially I am headed for walker then wheelchair sooner than I probably can imagine. This is something that I really want to put off longer, but I realize that I need to pay attention to the needs of my body. The Osteogenesis takes over and we just have to survive the best that we can.

When the doctor told me to push up with my hands my wrist snapped really loud; it really hurt. He then pushed on my legs, my left one I couldn't stand when he pushed on it. I reacted by pulling it back which surprised me that I even felt it. That leg has been messed up since I was a teenager, but to feel anything today really surprised me. The pain was intense. 

My emotions are running high, fear is running high even though I know God does not give us a spirit of fear as you will see in the verse that I am about to give you. The verse is found here in II Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." This is a verse I have memorized and have used several times in my walk with Christ. With the journey of OI in my life, there is so much that goes on that no one sees. There's a lot of things within our hearts that are hidden from family and friends. Not that we feel they doon't need to see, hear or know. It is just that we do not want to burden our families with the needs that we have. We don't want them to feel bad for us. We do not want them to feel burdened by our needs. Just like now I am thinking of my family and what a burden that I could be with this. I am holding in my thoughts in many ways. I haven't really talked about it with my husband as of yet even though he went with me to the appointment and heard all that the doctor said. I so many times think of Heaven and going there yet, my husband and my son are here and I couldn't leave them. I know if God calls me home I have to go. I know that God would protect our son and my husband. I get so frustrated to feel like things are out of control that I cannot do anything to change or help the situation. I feel like I want to give up. Today I am emotional I sit here and so many thoughts go through my mind. Do I tell my friends, do I keep it inside and go on as though nothing is wrong? Do I not show or tell my family how I feel??

I don't know which way to turn at the moment. I pick up my Bible look at it then put it down, I pick up my journal to write- put it down, I pick up my book then put it down, I pick up my phone to write friends I put it down, I pick up the phone to call my parents- you're getting the idea. Yes, I put the phone down. I didn't even dial the number. I picked up the phone a second time to call my Pastor then I said no can't do that he's eating supper with his family. Not a good time to call him. You know I probably would say the same even in an emergency.  I know, then would be the time to call him, but I would probably still think no I am interrupting him. I thought about calling my best friend, but then I didn't call her. 

I must go for now. I have to try to make supper even though I am not really in the mood to cook right now with all that I learned today. I will be making a fun family movie type supper. I am making chicken pieces and crispy fries with my family famous barbecue sauce that I spoil my best friend with when she comes. She always begs me to make it. Haha, I will laugh so hard if she comes over with chips or something she wants to dip into the barbecue sauce just to make me make it. 

Thank you for reading; taking time out of your busy day to stop by!! See you soon!!