Another Day.....Day of decision..Can I go?

Here we are it is only 4 am! The last medication was 10 pm--I am in such extreme pain that trying to even do the "dance" with my husband came with tears, uncertainty whether I was going to be able to make even the first step let alone consecutive steps. We got down the hallway, then the descending down the stairs met with more of a challenge as I had to depend more on my body to make each step-down. I cried and winced with each step; finally, at the bottom of the stairs, my husband says, "Are you going to make it? Can you walk on your own now?" This is so difficult to listen to; difficult being in this situation and feeling helpless. 

My mind is running with thoughts, concerns, questions and so much more. This is so sad when you have to question whether you can or can not get out to something that you love; for me that's church. I love my church, my church family, but when my body puts decisions on me of am I able or should I go? I don't like these decisions. I would much rather just be able to be happy that it is Sunday, family day, the day of worship; let's go!!! Let's enjoy! Why am I silent about it you ask? Well, I am for now considering the time is 4:30 am and my family is asleep, but not me my body is writhing in pain. I am writing yet I am talking with God as I write to you. I will be in His Word after I finish writing here. I may add some of what He showed me through His Word. 

As I said I would share with you what God showed me in His Word. He brought me to Psalm 56. I will write it out for you. I may highlight certain parts which spoke to my heart.

Psalm 56 - IN GOD I TRUST

Be merciful to me, O God, for man

would swallow me up;

Fighting all day he oppresses me. My 

enemies would hound me all day, 

For there are many who fight against me, O

Most High. Whenever I am afraid,

I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His

word),

In God I have put my trust;

I will not fear.

What can flesh do to me?

All day they twist my words;

All their thoughts are against me for evil.

They gather together,

They hide, they mark my steps,

When they lie in wait for my life. Shall they

escape by iniquity?

In anger cast down the peoples, O God!

You number my wanderings;

Put my tears into Your bottle;

Are they not in Your book? When I cry out

to You,

Then my enemies will turn back;

This I know, because God is for me. 

In God (I will praise His word), In

God I have put my trust;

I will not be afraid. 

What can man do to me?

Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God;

I will render praises to You, For You have 

delivered my soul from death.

Have You not kept my feet from falling, 

That I may walk before God

In the light of the living?

Now as I stated earlier that I would highlight some parts. I said that I would go over how they spoke to me.  The first one where I highlighted "Whenever I am afraid... I will trust in You." This part speaks a great deal because I am reminded of the scripture from II Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." This speaks volumes because God has not given us a spirit of fear - we need to hold steadfast to this truth. When we come against a situation that causes fear we need to go to the throne of God for His strength, His love, His guidance to the Word that only He can give us. We have to remember to praise His Word, why? You may ask why, but because His Word is our life instruction. He in His Word tells us all we need to know. He tells us all that we need for what we are going through. We may not think so, but trust Him and He will guide you through His Word what He wants you to read. What He wants to show you to get you through.

I put my trust in Christ as a teenager. I had a great childhood, my parents did all they could with me and my brother. My Mom stayed home with us until we were older then she worked part-time and would be home when we returned from school. My Father, he worked extensive hours yet on Friday night when he'd return home (mind you he had given instruction to my Mom prior to getting the camper ready) we'd leave for camp. We'd go for the weekend. My Mom would give my brother and my instruction to get things ready to go. Pack the things we wanted to bring. She would end with bringing your Bibles. You know there's nothing like reading God's Word around the campfire. My parents let us get involved with sports and other extracurricular activities with school. You may think that that's crazy you in sports!!!! You have Osteogenesis!!! Yes, I know I do. I was born with it, yes. In regards to my parents, Osteogenesis was not well known. Not many doctors were or are even today aware of Osteogenesis. I know my parents did all they could to protect us. Yes, I did fracture a lot growing up, but the things that I did when I fractured I am glad that I had the opportunity to do them - they were fun even though I experienced an injury. I choose not to allow the Osteogenesis to rob me of the fun.  God is with me, God is in me. He is my shield and protector. 

I as mentioned that I put my trust in Christ as a teenager. I had some bad influences around me through school. There were some friendships that I had to turn from because I knew they would lead to ungodly things. I pray for those friends even though I have walked away from the friendship. I got involved in what I thought was a good group to be involved in until I learned some of the secretive things about this group were unbiblical and of the occult. Mind you as a teen that would scare any teen away although I can say that some friends of mine that I made while in this group are still involved, yet as an adult now. I had some wonderful Christian family friends of our family, my youth leaders, my parents, my Pastor, Pastor Blaine. All these people influenced my life directing me to the Lord, to His Word. They talked to me, answering questions when I needed them answered, mentoring me when I needed it. I am so ever grateful that each one of them came alongside me. I accepted Christ, I then took my next step in Faith and was baptized. I continue to grow daily. God teaches, shows me so many things. I love walking with my Lord.

This morning about 7:40 am I rose from bed to begin getting ready for church. The pain wasn't as crippling as it was at 4 am. That I was thankful and I thanked God for allowing me to rise without as much pain. The dance around the room and down the hallway was much easier this time. I still needed assistance, but I wasn't crying because of pain for that I am very thankful. We complain when things are good or bad. We all experience challenges in our lives that tempt us to complain or even give up. When God sends His blessings (and He will), fight the urge to complain. Bob Russell said, "It is a rare person who, when his cup runs over, can thank God instead of complaining about the limited size of his mug!" So when you feel the urge to complain take a step back and spend time with God. 

Thank you for stopping by and reading my post for the day. I know this is a longer one than usual, but this is just some of the experiences I deal with that never get shared. I keep them to myself, or just my husband and I know about them. I don't share them with our son because I don't want to cause unnecessary worry within him. I know he has the same disease, but his experiences may be same or could range very differently from my own.

Blessings, Have a wonderful Sunday,